I don’t think you understand…
(Phone call at 2am last night)
Tom: Hello?
Caller: Hullah?
Tom: Who is this?
Caller: Barbara.
Tom: [irritated] I think you have the wrong number. I don’t know any Barbaras.
Caller: [indignant]What you mean, you don’t know any Barabara. You sure knew my name when you got me pregnant. You’re my baby’s daddy!
Tom: [laughing] Now I know you have the wrong number. I don’t know a Barbara and I sure as hell didn’t get you pregnant. I’m gay. Unless 9 months ago you sprouted a dick and now have a fetus growing in your ass, I didn’t get you pregnant.
Caller: [loud shriek, followed by a click]
